I am frequently called on to speak about relationship marketing, and when I am people always ask to know the so called “secret” to building business through relationship marketing. I know there is no secret, but at one point I got asked the question so many times that I thought maybe I’m missing something, maybe there is a secret out here and I simply don’t know it. So I decided to begin a search for what people around me thought must exist which is the “Secret Sauce in relationship marketing”.

I started my search by studying people who most others considered to be successful business networkers and relationship marketers. I watched how they interacted with people at business networking events. I listened to what people had to say about them, especially as it related to how they treated the people around them. I spoke with them and had a chance to see what they had to say about people themselves, especially when those people were not present. I also watched the types of events they attended and asked them what they liked most about concentrating attention on relationship marketing.

What I found really won’t surprise most of us, but it may disappoint those who have convinced themselves that there must be some secret to making relationship marketing work. So, here’s what my little search revealed. People who are successful in relationship marketing do the following things very well:

1. They take a sincere interest in the people around them – At networking events true relationship marketers in attendance are there to take a sincere interest in others. That doesn’t mean they follow up with every person they meet, it simply means the ones they feel they can help will be a priority to help, and they let them know that. It also means they are good listeners, and when talking with others, their full attention is demonstrated by asking logical follow up questions about what they are being told, instead of just waiting for their turn to talk.

2. They operate with a servant’s heart – Successful relationship marketers are willing to give unconditionally without expecting an immediate quid-pro-quo return on their giving. They know how to plant seeds without expecting to harvest as they are planted. They trust that by helping enough people get what they want, abundance will be returned to them without their forcing the issue.

3. They are people of high self-esteem, not big ego – Successful relationship marketers feel good about who they are, and don’t require constant attention from others to validate themselves. This is important because it permits them to focus attention on others without feeling they are in competition for attention. Self-esteem, as contrasted with ego, is also demonstrated by how well they make the people around them feel about themselves, instead of trying to impress those people with their own accomplishments. They never find it necessary to build themselves up by putting others down. If they are great it’s because they make the people around them feel that they too are great.

4. They are actively involved in personal development activity – A commitment to personal development keeps the batteries of successful relationship marketers charged at all times against negativity. It also gives them superior insight into understanding the destructive interpersonal behaviors they see when they attend networking events or when meeting with people. This enables them to stay away from those behaviors.

5. They simply love people – Successful relationship marketers truly love people and finding ways to help them. They don’t do it just to make a living. They have chosen their living based on the ability to help people, not just the ability to generate income. Everything they do is centered around how it helps people. They are the kind of people who will prey with you not on you.

As I completed my search I found that these were all things I know, and all things that successful relationship marketers, have been doing for centuries, so in my opinion, none of these qualified as “secret sauce” for those who were searching for one. Then, I realized, after thinking about it, that maybe I had found the “secret sauce”, maybe there was an undiscovered truth that would qualify as a secret. For me, if there is a secret to relationship marketing it is this. Most people you meet won’t commit themselves to do any of these five things consistently, which means those that will immediately distinguish themselves from the crowd by doing them, and not just doing them, but making them part of who they are.

This revelation may not satisfy your hunger for “secret sauce” in relationship marketing, but if you are sincerely interested in success in relationship marketing it’s about what you are committed to do to make strong relationships a priority. The above five elements are a great place for you to start.